Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-04-29 23:31:42
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Kat Harris
- ISBN：0310361036
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
Discover a renewed biblical vision for sex， singleness， and relationships， and transform into an empowered woman of faith equipped to navigate today's dating culture with vision， clarity， and freedom。
Let's face it: being single in today's culture as a woman of faith can be a STRUGGLE FEST。 But it doesn't have to be。 With real talk and straight wisdom， speaker， podcaster， and founder of The Refined Woman Kat Harris says it's time for a new conversation about singleness， sex， and desire。
Growing up at the height of the purity movement， Kat knew this much: good Christians don't have sex until marriage。 But approaching 30 and thrust into the New York City dating scene， she found a set of rules was not a compelling enough reason to keep her clothes on。 Caught between purity culture's rules and popular culture's do what feels good， Kat began a multi-year journey searching for answers to the biggest questions about sexuality and faith:
What does the Bible really say about sex？
Why does almost everyone deal with some sort of sexual shame？
But really--what's a single girl to do with her sexual desire？
What if we never get married 。 。 。 then what？
It turns out Kat was asking questions that countless women were dying to ask but didn't know they had the permission to do so。 Hungry for clarity， she researched， wrestled， and discovered a God who wasn't afraid or ashamed of sex and desire as she thought He might be。 In actuality， God created sex and desire within humanity and called it very good。 Now she believes God desires to restore a generation disillusioned with purity culture and Christian dating， discouraged about their singleness， ashamed of their sexual desire， and uncertain how to practically walk this season out well。
Join Kat on her messy， sometimes painful， and always honest journey to discovering God's heart for sexuality， desire， singleness， and our purpose within it all。
Let's face it: being single in today's culture as a woman of faith can be a STRUGGLE FEST。 But it doesn't have to be。 With real talk and straight wisdom， speaker， podcaster， and founder of The Refined Woman Kat Harris says it's time for a new conversation about singleness， sex， and desire。
Growing up at the height of the purity movement， Kat knew this much: good Christians don't have sex until marriage。 But approaching 30 and thrust into the New York City dating scene， she found a set of rules was not a compelling enough reason to keep her clothes on。 Caught between purity culture's rules and popular culture's do what feels good， Kat began a multi-year journey searching for answers to the biggest questions about sexuality and faith:
What does the Bible really say about sex？
Why does almost everyone deal with some sort of sexual shame？
But really--what's a single girl to do with her sexual desire？
What if we never get married 。 。 。 then what？
It turns out Kat was asking questions that countless women were dying to ask but didn't know they had the permission to do so。 Hungry for clarity， she researched， wrestled， and discovered a God who wasn't afraid or ashamed of sex and desire as she thought He might be。 In actuality， God created sex and desire within humanity and called it very good。 Now she believes God desires to restore a generation disillusioned with purity culture and Christian dating， discouraged about their singleness， ashamed of their sexual desire， and uncertain how to practically walk this season out well。
Join Kat on her messy， sometimes painful， and always honest journey to discovering God's heart for sexuality， desire， singleness， and our purpose within it all。
Reviews
Abbey Sim
，
Kat Harris speaks from her own experience to provide a voice and a breath of fresh air for those navigating purity culture and what lies beyond。 She is gracious， faithful and fierce in her pursuit of God and isn't afraid to ask the hard questions and challenge what is the conventional wisdom of both church and secular cultures alike。 It is always helpful to have more voices in the public domain who don't easily fit into the boxes we wedge our faith and sexuality into。 As she herself acknowledges Kat Harris speaks from her own experience to provide a voice and a breath of fresh air for those navigating purity culture and what lies beyond。 She is gracious， faithful and fierce in her pursuit of God and isn't afraid to ask the hard questions and challenge what is the conventional wisdom of both church and secular cultures alike。 It is always helpful to have more voices in the public domain who don't easily fit into the boxes we wedge our faith and sexuality into。 As she herself acknowledges， Kat Harris has walked the walk of celibacy and dating as a single Christian woman， thus bringing a unique perspective which balances celebrating the goodness of our sexuality， as well as its sacred nature within the Christian faith。 I'm thankful for this book and the chance to join a movement of women reclaiming their sexuality and their abstinence。 Worth a read even if you don't agree with the conclusions， because there's something for everyone in understanding a way forward better， given the toxic impact of purity culture within the church's understanding of sex。 。。。more
Kalee
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I have listened to Kat's podcast， The Refined Woman， the last few years and have always appreciated her fresh perspective on life as a single Christian woman。 Her book does a wonderful job of unpacking Biblical truth with real world experience when it comes to masculinity/femininity， relationships， and she doesn't avoid the taboo topics of p*rn， mast*rbastion， and desire。 She does a great job of focusing on the whole person， and the importance of healing。 This is a book that I wish would have be I have listened to Kat's podcast， The Refined Woman， the last few years and have always appreciated her fresh perspective on life as a single Christian woman。 Her book does a wonderful job of unpacking Biblical truth with real world experience when it comes to masculinity/femininity， relationships， and she doesn't avoid the taboo topics of p*rn， mast*rbastion， and desire。 She does a great job of focusing on the whole person， and the importance of healing。 This is a book that I wish would have been out years ago in the midst of purity culture as it could have saved a lot of heartache。 。。。more
Holly Lewis
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I received Kat's book this week and I CANNOT put it down！ I listened to her read the first chapter on her podcast， and as a single， Christian Woman in my 30s。。。。I was hooked！ She gives the reader so much to think about as we reflect on "purity culture，" "true love waits，" and "saving ourselves。" It challenges the reader to think about s*x in different ways， and why they believe what they believe， which I really appreciate。 There is no right or wrong answer for all Christians， contrary to popular I received Kat's book this week and I CANNOT put it down！ I listened to her read the first chapter on her podcast， and as a single， Christian Woman in my 30s。。。。I was hooked！ She gives the reader so much to think about as we reflect on "purity culture，" "true love waits，" and "saving ourselves。" It challenges the reader to think about s*x in different ways， and why they believe what they believe， which I really appreciate。 There is no right or wrong answer for all Christians， contrary to popular belief in many cultures。 I encourage any Christian single woman who has ever struggled with any aspect of their s*xuality to pick up a copy of this book。 。。。more
Amanda M
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Literally such a poignantly written book- no matter what stage of a relationship you are in， this author beautifully writes a point of view not often heard but is grounded in the Bible。 She points out that Jesus is not out for us to check off legalistic boxes but rather shows a whole other wonderful facet of God’s love and how to love ourselves。
Kendra Revell
，
I have just started the Sexless and the City and reading just the intro and first few pages I’m beyond excited to do some binge reading this week！ Love Kat Harris and her heart behind this book。 She’s definite bringing Sexy Back。
AHym
，
Thank you to a woman who is finally willing to talk about this and take away the stigma and bring the conversation to the unassailable worth of a woman， regardless of her position on sex。 Thank you to the heart of an author who wants to know God's will more genuinely and more deeply。 Thank you to a woman who is finally willing to talk about this and take away the stigma and bring the conversation to the unassailable worth of a woman， regardless of her position on sex。 Thank you to the heart of an author who wants to know God's will more genuinely and more deeply。 。。。more
Inez Spates
，
Long overdue and much needed discussion！ So thankful Kat Harris asks the questions that many unmarried Christians aren’t “allowed” to ask。 We need more of this！
Shannon Renfro
，
Loved reading this book！ It is honest， heartfelt and full of grace and truth！ Highly recommend for any person who is curious about the topic。 It was a so validating and vulnerable from someone who grew up in purity culture and is living her best single life in her 30s！
Kate Schwarze
，
Great read！ Kat bring so much wisdom that is met with grace and humor。 I highly recommend this book。 A great read that is sure to inspire。
Beth Danielczyk
，
Although I’m a from a generation before Kat， I can relate to her story and questions of why the Church tells their story on sex， sexuality， marriage and what being a woman means。 Their spin leaves so much out of the equation。 I applaud Kat on bringing the tough questions to light so others can see that they’re not alone doubting how the church defines a woman and their role in relationships， sex and marriage。
Ashley Abercrombie
，
Honest， Relatable and REAL。Kat feels like a friend throughout this book - someone to learn from， laugh with and ask hard questions about God， desire， sex and dating。 Theologically sound and incredibly encouraging， people can find themselves in the relatable stories and honest dialogue。 Grateful for this resource！
Letticia Barker
，
This is a great family book。 Yes， I said that。 This book gives such great insight about gender roles and expectations， along with a guided， in-depth review of your own beliefs and how they were fostered and derived。 I bought three more copies for my teenagers to have for their own notes and review。 This can also be such great insight for men who are willing and want to learn how to help the women they care about。 The Christian community has been waiting for a book like this。 It came too late for This is a great family book。 Yes， I said that。 This book gives such great insight about gender roles and expectations， along with a guided， in-depth review of your own beliefs and how they were fostered and derived。 I bought three more copies for my teenagers to have for their own notes and review。 This can also be such great insight for men who are willing and want to learn how to help the women they care about。 The Christian community has been waiting for a book like this。 It came too late for me， but just in time for my family。 。。。more
Chris Kottak
，
Riveting。 Wish I had this book when I was raising my five daughters！ Can’t wait for her next book to come out！
Morgan Garris
，
Sexless in the City is a book that hits me in gut。 Kat is one of the few people in the world I feel like I can relate to。 She is walking the same road I am。 She feels like my older sister helping me navigate the this world as a Christian and as a woman。 I am very thankful for this book and the podcast。
J。 Livingston
，
Kat Harris is very honest and open about sex in relationships。 Would have loved this book when I was growing up。 I would definitely have done things differently。
Kitty
，
This book will change the lives of every single reader， whether they are Christian or not， dating or married， man or woman。 This book focuses on dating， sex， and desire， but it also transcends all of that— Kat will help you realize the importance of taking a step back and asking yourself not only what you believe but doing the hard work of TRULY understanding why you believe it。 Beautifully written and researched， Sexless in the City will be challenging and encouraging its readers for decades to This book will change the lives of every single reader， whether they are Christian or not， dating or married， man or woman。 This book focuses on dating， sex， and desire， but it also transcends all of that— Kat will help you realize the importance of taking a step back and asking yourself not only what you believe but doing the hard work of TRULY understanding why you believe it。 Beautifully written and researched， Sexless in the City will be challenging and encouraging its readers for decades to come。 A truly spectacular book！！ 。。。more
Kierria Matthews
，
As a 29 year old single Christian woman who was bought up in purity culture， navigating this complicated single/dating world has been a roller coaster。 Sexless in the City questions a lot of the narratives that women and men who were bought up in the purity culture， but also provides a space for soul searching， deconstructing， and rebuilding your own personal sexual ethics in a safe， shame-free way。 I consider it to be a must read if you’re a woman of faith who is in the process of reframing her As a 29 year old single Christian woman who was bought up in purity culture， navigating this complicated single/dating world has been a roller coaster。 Sexless in the City questions a lot of the narratives that women and men who were bought up in the purity culture， but also provides a space for soul searching， deconstructing， and rebuilding your own personal sexual ethics in a safe， shame-free way。 I consider it to be a must read if you’re a woman of faith who is in the process of reframing her sexuality and sexual ethics。 This book is coming in my life at the perfect time！！ 。。。more
katherine mattingly
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Vulnerable， honest， challenging approach to a taboo topic in the church and culture that needs to be exposed and talked about！ Kat brings it to the surface with grace and humility！
Nicole Magloire
，
This book is so beautifully written and right on par with the work that Kat Harris has been putting out for years。 It's honest， informative， accessible and has so much depth。 I recommend this not only to all the church girls and guy but to anyone navigating relationships in this wild and crazy world。 Loved it！！ This book is so beautifully written and right on par with the work that Kat Harris has been putting out for years。 It's honest， informative， accessible and has so much depth。 I recommend this not only to all the church girls and guy but to anyone navigating relationships in this wild and crazy world。 Loved it！！ 。。。more
Sydney Gruwell
，
This book gives such a great and honest look as to what it truly looks like to navigate sex and sexually as a Christian。 Kat dives in to difficult topics and reveals her honest struggles， say the things so many people have been thinking！ Kat has done the hard work of pursuing God even in the challenges of understand what the Bible says about sex。 This book is encouraging as it brings to light what so many Christians need in the messy and confusing world of dating and sex。
Grace Kanary
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I would highly recommend this book for anyone in need of some older sister insight into following the rules， doing what's best for yourself， and discovering your s*xuality。 It's written in a non-judgmental way that draws you in and the reflection questions at the end of each chapter are so helpful in applying Kat's insights to your own life。 You won't regret picking this up and diving in！ I would highly recommend this book for anyone in need of some older sister insight into following the rules， doing what's best for yourself， and discovering your s*xuality。 It's written in a non-judgmental way that draws you in and the reflection questions at the end of each chapter are so helpful in applying Kat's insights to your own life。 You won't regret picking this up and diving in！ 。。。more
Christina Baughman
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OMG！ This is the book and the message I needed！ Walking thru life as a Christian who is deconstructing her faith and the principles she was taught growing up in purity culture is rough。 But having Kat walk this rod with me thru her book， she has become a mentor and a source of honesty and encouragement。 I love all things Kat Harris， Refined Collective， and Sexless in the City。
Meredith Boggs
，
An essential guide for any Christian navigating singleness， dating & sex in this day in age。 Kats honesty and authenticity invites others into a journey where they can find healing from past wounds， confidence in the decision and direction their life will take， while being rooted in biblical truth。
Lauren
，
Helpful and insightful。 Definitely hits home on some of the "excuses" we give ourselves at times。 Subject matter may not be everyone's cup of tea， but definitely helpful， hopeful， raw， and honest。 One thing I don't agree on is: "Not having sex is hard when dating。" I'm sorry， but it isn't; it's a boundary you put up for yourself that only you should allow be put down。 Only you， as a person， know your boundaries and when to relent on them。 If you are thinking to allow it because of some person pr Helpful and insightful。 Definitely hits home on some of the "excuses" we give ourselves at times。 Subject matter may not be everyone's cup of tea， but definitely helpful， hopeful， raw， and honest。 One thing I don't agree on is: "Not having sex is hard when dating。" I'm sorry， but it isn't; it's a boundary you put up for yourself that only you should allow be put down。 Only you， as a person， know your boundaries and when to relent on them。 If you are thinking to allow it because of some person pressuring you， even yourself， then sit and have a hard look as to why and how really important it is to not have sex premarraige。 Odds are that you already knew the answer and never fully found it "difficult"。 May seem as high and mighty as she comes off， but in an age where people are sitting themselves down to try to become their "authentic selves" and media is at an all time high with sex/gender and such， there is no such thing as finding your hard no's， soft no's， and yes's when it comes to dating， sex， and the bagages that come with these two separately and especially when together。 Not saying she's wrong， she's right that it's hard， but if it's a definite "NO" then it's not hard to live by， even if it means a painful break up because your partner isn't capable of working with you on this; key phrase working with you， relationships are a two way street and the vehicle is respect and communication。That being said， she used real world experience with the bible so it's well done。Received this as part of Good Reads giveaway for an honest review; this did not influence my review。 。。。more
Raven
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Sexless In The City provides an authentic look at what it means to navigate dating， sex， and relationships as a modern women。 Kat Harris elegantly weaves together the threads of cultural norms and Christian teachings， to craft a beautifully thought-provoking story。 Combining personal stories of gut-wrenching heartbreak， formative experiences， and life-changing lessons， Kat takes readers on a journey of exploration， empowerment， and self-discovery。 With sincerity， compassion， and the perfect dose Sexless In The City provides an authentic look at what it means to navigate dating， sex， and relationships as a modern women。 Kat Harris elegantly weaves together the threads of cultural norms and Christian teachings， to craft a beautifully thought-provoking story。 Combining personal stories of gut-wrenching heartbreak， formative experiences， and life-changing lessons， Kat takes readers on a journey of exploration， empowerment， and self-discovery。 With sincerity， compassion， and the perfect dose of wit， Kat offers readers applicable information and relevant insights to help them more deeply cultivate their faith， truly understand their identity， and learn how to navigate the world of relationships with confidence。 。。。more
Elspeth
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I just started reading this book and fell in love with it！！ I have followed Kat on Instagram and I love her message and how she relates to her audience！ I definitely recommend this book to anyone who has felt like the last single girl out there！
Mollie Craven
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